Starting point
Welcome to Phase 1. This is your real starting point. I know that what I'm going to tell you right now won't matter to you and you might even think: «Yeah, yeah… but look where I am».
The first thing I can tell you is that I know you're in the middle of chaos. I know you still have that saturation and that even now it seems stronger than before. And if we're talking about a painful and traumatic breakup, from my experience I tell you: NO CONTACT, no exceptions! There's no other option if you want your system to boot up again.
The loneliness of «Safe Mode»
Before, in Phase 0, you didn't have control but you had a certain comfort. You already knew what there was, you were half used to living on alert and in constant danger. Your body couldn't stand being there and you didn't deserve it, but you already knew that unpleasant feeling.
Not now. Now everything is new and much more uncomfortable. You feel completely alone, feeling that no one has lived what you've lived. You're alone in the world and, of course, you feel no one around you understands you. They'll listen, they'll try to help, but it's no use because they haven't been in your skin.
In my case, in this Phase 1, I locked myself in my room. Going outside terrified me and gave me brutal anxiety. My room and my house were my refuge, my safe zone. I recommend you find your zone of maximum safety, that place where nothing external can inject more noise into your system.
The risk of skipping the process
Here you have two options:
- Pitch in: Grab your backpack and push forward to reach Phase 2. The reality is that very few people manage it because they can't stand the chaos. Here the only thing you have to do is have compassion for yourself, not rush, feel the pain, accept it, accept that you're here, feel and embrace this loneliness that's so uncomfortable and painful. Here the most important thing is to know that it's a phase, that it's very normal to be shattered and that you need time to recover. Nothing more, you don't have to do anything else, simply endure this pain with compassion.
- The false bypass: Many people try to jump straight to Phase 4 without reviewing absolutely anything. They blame everything on the outside, they don't do the necessary introspection and that ends up destroying others and causing more harm.
If you manage to reach Phase 2 your real journey begins, and the learning to achieve a more TOP version of you. If you get there, you have almost a 100% guarantee of success. Don't fail now. If you're doubting or feel you have no strength, write to me. I don't want you to go back to Phase 0. I believe in you. But to come out victorious you have to «take the bull by the horns»: be responsible for your life and not just make excuses about what's been done to you.
My logbook: How I managed to move forward
I managed to move to Phase 2 for several reasons that served as support:
- I decided to make a purpose out of my experience: Giving meaning to all this pain.
- I showed my vulnerability: I understood it's what connects us with others.
- Professional therapy: Regular sessions with my psychologist.
- Natural therapies: My mother helped me a great deal in this respect.
- Asking my support networks for help: «Pestering» friends who helped me (it's vital to have cultivated friendships that will hold you up in the hardest moments).
- Informing myself: Understanding technically what I'd lived through so I wouldn't feel so alone.
Exercise for Phase 1
Here I leave you some posts so you can read what I lived and felt when I was exactly at the same point where you are now.
Grief anxiety isn't always mental: sometimes it's the body in emergency mode
When your life asks you to stop: the tiredness that isn't fixed by doing more
When the toxic environment starts to block your internal system
I leave you a song that has accompanied me in all the processes, but I think the one it'll help you most in is this Phase 1.